How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
