you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
