didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just invented taco cereal.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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