Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
