i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
