i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
