I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Randomize