um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
