Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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