my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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