So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
