i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
