The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
