wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
