I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
