I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
