We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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