Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
