it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
