the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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