PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
