Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
