My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
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