i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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