A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
