I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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