I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
