Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
