Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
