i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
