I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
