another moral hangover. fuck.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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