I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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