I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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