how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
