Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
