His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
