I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
