Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
