I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
