I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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