I'm going to jail i love you
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
smell my finger.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
