Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
