I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
