i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
