he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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