Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
