What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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