Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize