we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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