I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
