Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
