i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
