i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
