I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
