I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
