I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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