So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
