It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He has the fingertips of a God
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
