she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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