Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
