This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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