But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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