I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
