yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
