the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
