I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Tornado booty call.. dedication
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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