Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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