Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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