Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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