Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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