Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My ass is underappreciated
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
