Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just high enough for therapy.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
