dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
honey bunches of taint.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize