that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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