And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
