What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
