Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
